The secret of less
Less is more when it comes to simple family homes.
There are many ways we can simplify our homes and lives including ways in which we parent but let’s start with ‘stuff’ and the most obvious being- Toys.
Why is it that we see our kids getting the most enjoyment from a huge empty cardboard box or even our kitchen utensil draw but we still feel the need to buy them everything out there available to us?
Is it because we think that buying lots of things will make them happy?
Well, it's hard not to agree that it's incredibly heartwarming seeing the delight in a child's face when receiving a gift they love, but we also need to take some responsibility as their parents to monitor what, and how much is coming into the home.
Much of the time when new things come in, old things don't go out so toys build up. Kids aren't likely to get up and say ‘I think we need a sort out’ or ‘Seeing as I’ve just got a new toy car, shall we donate my older ones’ although the thought of that is quite amusing, it is our responsibility to model this type of behaviour.
It saddens me to see far too many parents getting stressed out and even blaming their children for the amount of ‘crap’ (their words not mine!) building up in their home, but who let it in in the first place?
What we let into our home is our choice.
Children begging for toys and subsequently being given toys are always going to beg for toys, children who are taught the value of money, the importance of knowing how things are made and where they have come from and a child who is given clear boundaries is far less likely to beg for toys.
So, do lots of toys make kids happy?
Let us turn that question around on ourselves… much like you might find a cluttered drawer or room overwhelming a child will feel the same.
This can be stressful or negative for several reasons:
It's not nice to look at for parent or child.
It makes finding things and tidying difficult.
It teaches children we need lots of things to make us happy.
It teaches children that we are not necessarily conscious of where things are coming from and how they are being made.
It teaches our children that things can be easily replaced.
Having lots of anything is hard to maintain and the more stuff a child has the less orderly it can be kept, which makes it incredibly hard for children to know where to find things- not least tidying them away. Overstimulation with too many toys can be limiting for a child's development. If a child is given a specific toy for every ‘need’ they are less likely to explore their natural resources and imagination.
Children play a lot better with fewer toys- I know this because I have worked with countless families helping declutter toys and the response is always the same- parents baffled as to why they hadn't done it sooner!
Before starting the decluttering journey (and it is a journey because it doesn't stop, you will be constantly monitoring what is coming in and what is going out) you need to be committed.
Set out a clear aim to keep in mind throughout the process to help you stay on track-it might look like this:
‘I want to reduce the plastic items in our homes and have toys that have many purposes’
This makes it easier to assess whether or not the items have a place in your home, remember when de-cluttering it is important to dispose of things responsibly. Not only for our planet but also for the message that you are sending to your children.
Here are some tips on decluttering and limiting what comes into your home:
It's not always possible to do a big declutter in one go and it can be incredibly overwhelming for all involved so I suggest doing it in small manageable steps- you can do this by categorising.
-Chose a category to start with, for example, ‘Dressing up’ gather ALL the dressing up items from around the house and ask yourself if each one has a place in your home.
-Store the ones you are keeping together somewhere, which is clearly labelled and bring it out as and when (by the way… from my experience having dressing up accessible all the time is not necessary and hard to keep organised).
Clearly label and store the items in categories that have been decluttered and ensure that they are kept in their ‘home’. Typical categories might be; ‘Small world’ ‘Transport’ ‘Figures’ ‘Dollies’ or ‘Construction’.
Think about your purchases, think about how they were made, what purpose they will serve, if you already have something similar and if it is possible to fashion something similar using both yours and your child's imagination instead.
Keep on top of things getting broken and try and fix them as a family, this teaches children to look after their things and that things will not just be replaced.
Take items away and store them elsewhere and bring them out as and when you feel like it- kids don't need everything accessible to them all the time, they will welcome seeing a toy they haven't seen for a while.
Of course, it isn't just parents that buy for children, its; friends, grandparents, family members- the list goes on. This can feel frustrating when you are trying to hold down a certain set of values as a family but you feel they are being tested by others (who only mean well).
Here are some tips in getting others on board with your new values:
Have a conversation, you are perfectly within your rights to tell their grandparents that you have just had a huge sort out and you're putting some new rules in place to ensure things don't get cluttered again and whatever you new rules might be and that you'd really like their support on that.
Ensuring you have a sensible list that you can send present buyers when birthdays and Christmas arise.
Emphasizing how much your children enjoy their company and time spent doing things together and making memories over being given things.
A key feature in this is to observe your children, work out what they are interested in and explore that in different ways, not just through the medium of toys! If there is anything you’d like to discuss further or any advice you’d like on keeping things simple do not hesitate to contact me!